The YouTube Bard: Heir of Carthage.

Warning: this poem has been given a rating of "PG-13" by the poet. Read at your own risk. Future poems will be less gruesome, but this particular poem is appropriate for the particular fan base.

Tere hommikust. Over the months, I've been writing poetry for various YouTubers. I think I might make it into a series on this blog, since the poems are quite popular. Thus, here is my first poem in the series, for the YouTuber Heir of Carthage (a.k.a. "Patchy"):

 

Here he comes, the man of the hour, whom no one can ignore,
He rides atop an elephant with armies by the score,
The Heir whom Carthage dreamed about, and sung of in their lore,
So sharpen axes, sharpen swords, for Patchy goes to war!

If you're a man of Patchy's, then you can't know what's in store.
You may perhaps be rofl-stomped, or worse, be stabbed and gored.
But if you fight the Patchy-man, well, heck, you are done for!
Ask, "What the crap is going on"? Well, Patchy goes to war!

 

You can find Patchy's channel at http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZlnshKh_exh1WBP9P-yPdQ. In the meantime, let me know what other poems you would like to see. I prefer to not write for mainstream YouTubers like Tobuscus because those may or may not see the light of day on those channels. I have a couple more poems that I'll reveal later. Gl hf 'til then!

Fishlabs' Galaxy on Fire II: A New Blog Series?

Salvete. I understand that this blog is centered around games that have never seen the light of day, but there are a few games, such as Rome II: Total War and the Galaxy on Fire franchise that I admire greatly. Perhaps I can blog about them on occasion. For now, I'll narrate my history about Galaxy on Fire.

My first encounter of Galaxy on Fire was several years ago, when the iTouch software was (relatively) just coming out. Unfortunately, the Galaxy on Fire II app was quite expensive at the time, but I managed to master the demo, getting acquainted with the two systems that I was allowed to traverse. What I liked about Galaxy on Fire II was the fact that it was open-world; the player could do practically anything in terms of contracts and whatnot. I was sad when I played the first Galaxy on Fire game to find the gameplay utterly linear, similar to that of a high-tech arcade game.

Going back to Galaxy on Fire II, I found that I could make do quite well with the single systems, since the contracts and items refresh. I found that raiding Nivelian fleets were the quickest and easiest way to fame and fortune, so I developed a "personal" rivalry with the Nivelians, which continues to this day. My allegiance similarly became Terran, since I took Terran quests almost without exception. When Fishlabs released Galaxy on Fire II for free, those personality traits continued as I explored the vast galaxy.

I am a member of Galaxy on Fire: Alliances. Just like I enjoy the open-world games of the original series, I grew fond of base-building games separately from the franchise. When the two worlds collided, I was pleasantly surprised, and I began forging a great empire in the "Shroud Nebula."

I you all would like to hear more, I am open to feedback.

Unheard-of Ultimates: Sunkist Speedway

While I'm at it, I thought I could write another post. So, without further adieu...

When the games are "gone forever"...
When their heyday was years ago...
When no one knows or cares about them...

Someone picks them up.
And that man is Plaustrum20!

Today I thought I'd go over the iTunes game Sunkist Speedway. This game has no more than four thousand players currently, and I thought I'd give it a shout-out today.

Sunkist Speedway is a basic racing game. Along the way, drivers pick up fuel (and invincibility stickers) and avoid obstacles. If a car runs out of fuel or armor, the game is over. There are five levels of difficulty , and I'm in the top ten list on all of them. It's not mind-blowing, especially considering that there aren't any more than fifty people in the top difficulty (an elite class if I do say so myself), but it's still something that I can say I'm top-of-the-world at.

Also consistently at the top of the chart are such players as _Romu_, Dr. Niles, and Ryan the Rocket. I figured I might as well give them a shout-out as a friendly rival.

Anyways, it's an amazing free game for the iPad, and I would recommend checking it out.

Save Stampy!

So the purpose of the post today is to save the career of a YouTube gamer. Stampylonghead is a Minecraft guy with over half a million subscribers, but today, YouTube shut down his channel due to "copyright infringement" and/or "violations of our Community Guidelines." He is just about the most inoffensive character on YouTube, so the description doesn't seem right. Anyway, there's a petition going up to try to return Stampy to his rightful place on the throne. The link for the explanation is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epjMu9DgO18&feature=c4-overview&list=UUa6Hg8HmooiDNaCT0_1NbQQ. Please go. Stampy is counting on all of us.

Rome II: Total War

Rome II: Total War has come out four days ago. As with many gamers, the nerd in me is squealing. The Total War series is arguably my favorite gaming series ever, and Rome I: Total War was the most revolutionary game in the series, turning the series from basic, board-game crud to the crown jewel of strategy games. I love both playing Total War and watching Total War on YouTube. My personal favorites are Rome and Empire: Total War, but I am heavily interested in Rome II: Total War. I'm very excited, and I look forward to witnessing the future of Total War series.

Unheard-Of Ultimates: Indigon's "Star Relic" Part 2

The other factions I just started playing as today, but I've played against them, and I know the units that absolutely hurt my army. The Ion Core, while very cheap, has a range than can almost range the entire field (as long as it has a good shot). These are the "rooks" of Star Relic. The Mothership is also amazing because of its ability to spread its fire in all possible directions. These are the "queens" of Star Relic. However, the Klosians are horrible at attacking, so whether or not the Klosian faction is a good choice depends on the player's style. Meanwhile, the Sodinar faction has neither particularly good nor particularly bad units. Soinar units are on the cheap side but have fairly good value; the Orb, for example, is perfect for spamming. Particularly interesting units, however, are the Pulsar and Star Core. The Pulsar is a mine-laying ellipsoid (technically poison-gas-laying ellipsoid). Arguably the best unit in the Sodinar fleet and the exception to the mediocrity of the Sodinar fleet is the Star Core, with an ample health and plenty of power and range.

In addition to ships, there are crystals and asteroids. Asteroids are breakable barriers that prevent direct fire; this is why missile frigates are some of the best units in the game. Crystals allow for more energy to purchase ships, and having a foothold near these crystals are critical for mass-producing high-quality ships. There are several minor strategies to the game. One is to either spam low-price units, such as the Human Fighter or the Klosian Ion Core or to purchase high-end units. Spamming low-quality units allows for harvesting crystal energy. The second strategy is to move toward the center. Because the board rotates each turn, it is far shorter to make as close of a line to the enemy Warp Gate.

In conclusion:
I personally prefer the human fleet because of the maneuverability, power, and health factors.
The Klosian fleet is great for those who want range, a cheap price and special abilities.
The Sodinar fleet is for those who want an all-around, cheap set of ships.

Unheard-Of Ultimates: Indigon's "Star Relic"

Salvete. I was originally planning on blogging about the Total War series or the iPad game app Galaxy on Fire II, but I just had an ache to play Indigon's Star Relic, a small, online, single-player game in the background of Armor Games. This is an amazing game; after my years playing Armor Games were done and over, Star Relic is still one that I like to play occasionally.

Star Relic is a turn-based, high-strategy, science-fiction game. This game is complete, with player-versus-player, story, and single-battle modes. Like a futuristic game of chess, Star Relic is based on a series of pieces, each with different moves, attack points, health points, range, and special traits, on a hexagonal, constantly-rotating board. These pieces are purchased at a Warp Gate, which could be considered a stationary king piece. There are three different races (factions; Human, Klosian, and Sodinar) through which one can play numerous pieces. There are too many pieces to describe in a short while, so I'll name a few of my favorites.

I usually play as the Human faction (as I do with all games that give me an option, such as Electronic Arts' Battle for Middle-Earth series), so I am mostly familiar with the Human ships (pieces), but I know enough to highlight some good alien ships as well. From the Human fleet, I prefer the missile frigate and the defense turret. The missile frigate has a poor movement ability and an average range, but its greatest ability is the ability to shift the direction of missiles, a trait that no other vessel has. Thus, projectiles can move around corners, hitting enemies when they cannot hit back. The defense turret is a powerhouse of the Human fleet. they cannot move very far, but skilled players can easily get past this disadvantage. These ships have an amazing amount of health and attack, and they mean "Game Over" in masse near an enemy base. The only superior Human ship, the Juggernaut, is basically the Defense Turret with an additional movement bonus.